boyfriend: what’s for dinner?
WHEN U TRYNA TAKE A PILL AND IT TOUCHES YA TOUNGE AND U TASTE IT
I hate when black clothes are a slightly different black and don’t match
we joke but this is an actual thing
I interrupt my frequent unhappy rants about my low self esteem, panic-inducing lifestyle and all the ways fandom craps on itself to bring you ducklings in dresses made of cupcake papers. Ok. You need this. Shut up and accept that you need this.
If you think your mom overreacts just remember once my mom cancelled our trip to New York because I refused to eat the meatloaf she made
One time this girl really hated me and wanted to ruin my reputation or something so one day i was talking to a boy and she came up and really obnoxiously said “you know she has a crush on you right?” and he was like “man i hope so or else this is gonna get really awkward”
She fuckin told my boyfriend that i liked him
when u accidentally hurt ur friends feelings and they insist that its fine but u know it isnt
vagina’s are able to stretch wide enough to give birth to a fucking baby and then return to it’s original size but of course being penetrated by that grass blade you call a penis is what’s going to make it “loose”
When you realize that someone is only being nice to you because they want something
Why wasn’t I blessed with a beautiful singing voice